What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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