I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
