im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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