I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
