Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
