Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
