dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
