Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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