i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
