I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
