I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize