oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
