in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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