Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your cock deserves a montage
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
