Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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