Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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