I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
