the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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