i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
