but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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