umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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