dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
