Just cropdusted the office
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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