I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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