Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
