I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
