yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
