she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize