Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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