we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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