Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
