Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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