Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
