i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
