I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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