Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
