if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
