my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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