Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
