I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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