Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize