She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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