She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize