I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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