guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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