If i come over, it means nothing
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
