so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
