PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's get the cat blown out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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