I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need moral support for this bender
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
