i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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