god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
