I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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