i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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