she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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