the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
