hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
