first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
