I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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