Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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