Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
