i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
