It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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