TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
