and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
