nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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